Tag Archives: parenting

He’s My Best Friend’s Boy

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NACD BlogYesterday I saw one of my favorite moms. She’s a great, dedicated mom who works very hard with her two boys. Her oldest boy has some significant problems, but he keeps progressing and is on most days her “easy” one. His little brother is very bright, doing great, and tends to drive her nuts. Because he is bright and still a little guy, he still does little kid things that get her; and more often than not, they are designed to do exactly that–get her attention. If asked the following questions, her answers would all be “yes”: Is he smart? Yes. Is he a nice kid? Yes. Is he a good kid? Yes. Is he a sweet kid? Yes. Then why should such a child drive her nuts? If he were her best friend’s boy, and not hers, she would love being around him and he wouldn’t drive her to distraction.

Parents, sometimes you need to take a step back and look at your kids through some new eyes and gain a little perspective. Most of us as parents take our jobs seriously, and often that means we try to give our children feedback on everything they do, all of the time, and particularly, anything and everything they do wrong. It is sadly all too easy to ignore all those things they do right.

Imagine how you would treat your best friend’s child. Your best friend is important to you, and if you were to have their child with you for a day, they would be important to you as well; and so you would want to protect them, take care of them, and give them good feedback. If during your watch they were to do something dangerous or harmful, you would give them feedback; but if they were doing little irritating things, you most likely wouldn’t even particularly notice and very likely wouldn’t comment if you did. You wouldn’t want your remarks and “helpful” input to be perceived as picking on them. You wouldn’t want them to go home and report to their mother that you don’t like them and that you were mean, and that being at your house wasn’t fun. But is it really okay or helpful to be on your own kids all of the time? No, it isn’t.

Most of the time we would all be better off treating our own kids as if they were “your best friend’s boy.” Nagging isn’t providing quality feedback, and getting on them all of the time is not quality feedback. Nagging just creates a negative environment, destroys your credibility, and makes your child wish he or she were someplace else.

He’s my best friend’s boy.

What do you think?

 

Parental Lesson #1: Talk to Your Children

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Could the key to your child’s success be as simple as talking to them? Could our educational and probably cognitive decline be at least in part attributable to less and less quality time that permits parents to simply talk to their children? I believe that the foundation of cognition–the ability to think, hold pieces of information together, and manipulate information–is based on auditory processing. Decades of measuring the processing abilities in children and adults as well as developing tools to help develop processing skills has demonstrated tens of thousands of times that your complexity of thought is built upon and limited to how much auditory information you can process and manipulate. We all have the potential to do better; we all have the ability to do better; we just need the opportunity to do better.

 

Related Links:

The NACD Simply Smarter Project

Simply Smarter Kids: Memory

The Simply Smarter System: Video Teaser

 

Related Articles:

TSI – Auditory Processing: What is It?

NACD Journal – Parenting 101: A Child’s Education Begins with Educating the Parents

 

Dateline 2025: ADHD

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Today in a joint announcement, the President, in conjunction with the US Department of Education, the AMA (American Medical Association), the NEA (National Education Association), and the PMDC (Parents for More Drugs Consortium, which is sponsored by the IDP – International Drug Producers Consortium-and BLP-Better Lives Through Pharmacology) were proud to announce that they have reached their joint goal to help every child in the nation receive an appropriate diagnosis and, through federal legislation and mandated funding, to provide every child with a minimum of two mind/brain-altering drugs. This project, which was begun in 2015, was an effort to have all children with ADHD “appropriately” identified and treated with amphetamines. It should be stated that the government wanted strict guidelines for the diagnosis: children needed to meet the criteria of not liking school and preferring screen time to reading. As part of the initial project, it was also realized that legislation would need to be passed to mandate drug administration over parental objections. The projected number at the time this was initiated was a conservative 65% of the school population. Consistent with what has now been proven through “research,” this number is now close to 85%, with the majority of these students also fitting into the WAS, Work Avoidance Spectrum, which was discovered through the ground breaking work of YAGI, You’ve All Got IT Laboratories. WAS has reached and surpassed all projections and has now reached epidemic proportions, touching nine out of ten of our children. 

In today’s New York Times (read the article here and watch the video below) there was an alarming article about the rise in ADHD diagnoses and the number of children being medicated for it. The article states that one in five high school age boys have been given the “medical” diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. 6.4 million children between 4 and 17 have been “diagnosed.” This is for an imaginary disease that was only created in the 1980s. This is not only shocking but also ridiculous and horrifying.

You can’t get a blood test to identify ADHD; they can’t do a chromosome test; they can’t do a biopsy to make this “medical diagnosis.” They might run through a checklist that includes questions about attention, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness. To see the actual “test,” go to http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/diagnosis.html. Often the reality is that a teacher might suggest that you ask your doctor about ADHD, and then you tell your doctor that the teacher told you to ask, and he takes out his prescription pad.

The issue of using a medical model for developmental problems is of huge concern. We have seen thousands of children who have come to us with such diagnoses, all of whom are “NORMAL,” disease-free kids who, like everyone else, have some developmental issues. Put together a few common issues like poor auditory processing and a bad diet, just to mention a couple of many such issues, and—BANG!— you have a disease. No, you do not—you have an auditory processing issue and eat pancakes for breakfast. Giving you a label of a disease and drugs is not going to address your auditory processing or dietary issues. Ah, but most kids pay better attention when given the drugs, they say. Guess what? Most everyone pays better attention when using the drugs. Perhaps we all should take more drugs? But, then again, they have side effects; and gee, I wonder what they are going to find out about what long-term effects use of these drugs produce? Could there be effects on future generations? If you buy these drugs on the street, they are called all kinds of things, like “speed” and “uppers.” These drugs are psycho-motor stimulants, which can produce wakefulness, decrease appetite, and have a whole slew of side effects. But they do not fix what is broken or undeveloped. I just took a couple of minutes and put together a preliminary list of different correctable factors that could lead to this wonderful disease label if you would like to review it, scroll to the bottom of this article. To be fair, there are some kids who are bouncing off the walls who need medication while the broken pieces are being addressed; but that is a very, very tiny percentage. This trend to create symptomatic labels and medicate our children is truly horrifying. Doctors do not have methodologies to address developmental problems; doctors do not treat developmental problems; schools and teachers do not address and treat developmental problems. Schools complain and doctors write prescriptions. I wish I could get more people to listen and to understand what great potential we all have. We all have the potential to do better, we all have the ability to do better, we just need the opportunity to do better. And at NACD we so enjoy helping to do it!

I will have a lot more to say about this subject shortly.

Issues That Can Lead to a “Diagnosis” of ADD or ADHD

by Bob Doman

 Vision

  • Acuity/sight problems
  • Convergence issues
  • Tracking issues
  • Astigmatism
  • Underdeveloped central vision
  • Hyperperipheral vision
  • Excessive visualizing negatively impacting visual attention
  • Poor visualization
  • Low visual sequential processing
  • Reduced visual short-term memory
  • Reduced visual working memory
  • Reduced visual long-term memory
  • Excessive screen time

Hearing and auditory function

  • Hearing loss
  • Issues with processing specific frequencies
  • Otitis media/middle ear fluid
  • Ear infections
  • Figure-ground issues
  • Low auditory sequential processing
  • Reduced auditory short-term memory
  • Reduced auditory working memory
  • Reduced auditory long-term memory
  • Inadequate conceptual thought
  • Visualization/conceptualization imbalance
  • Visual vs. auditory processing imbalance

Physiological issues

  • Blood sugar issues
  • Food allergies
  • Food sensitivities
  • Excessive carbohydrates
  • Excessive sugar
  • Excessive food colorings and artificial sweeteners
  • Inadequate protein
  • Bowel/gut disorders
  • Sleep disturbance
  • Respiratory issues
  • Toxins
  • Environmental allergies
  • Cardiac issues

Motor issues

  • Poor fine motor development
  • Poor manual dexterity
  • Poor pencil grasp
  • Inadequate writing instruction

Behavioral issues

  • Lack of interest
  • Lack of intensity
  • Lack of proper intention
  • Global immaturity
  • Developmental delays
  • Avoidance behaviors
  • Excessive social focus
  • Lack of social awareness
  • Not present
  • Subdominant/emotional
  • Negative attention-getting behaviors
  • Poor feedback
  • Improper behavioral training

Educational structure issues

  • Poor instructional environment
  • Lack of intensity
  • Curriculum heavy
  • Educational content not engaging
  • Not directed to individual’s processing level
  • Negative environment
  • Low expectations
  • Excessively high expectations
  • Personality conflict
  • Excessive duration
  • Inadequate review
  • Lack of individual attention
  • Teacher’s speech or accent
  • Extraneous classroom sound/noise
  • Extraneous/distracting visual environment
  • Proximity of other students
  • Bullying
  • Cliques
  • Social pressure to perform
  • Social pressure not to perform
  • Social pressure to act out
  • Lack of parental involvement
  • Excessive parental involvement
  • Reading, math, etc. levels below class
  • Reading, math, etc. levels above class
  • Difficulties understanding English or language used in classroom

No

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frustrated2As I talk with parents about behavior, it becomes clearer and clearer that child management, behavior, the establishment of boundaries, creating a positive relationship with your children, and creating a positive environment for your children that helps them grow into successful, mentally healthy, confident individuals who feel secure and who have good self images–all of these things start with one very simple concept: “No” means NO.

I see family after family that is struggling with their children’s behavior and compliance–households with a never-ending stream of “stop that,” “cut that out,” “If you do that again, I’m gonna…” and “no,” “no,” “no,” “no,” and ”no“ until mom or dad lose it, scream and go into their insanity act. All of this creates a very negative home environment, a home without real guidelines, without consistency, a home where the children never know when the explosion is going to come, where the children are trying to read their parents’ mood and boiling point and become compelled to push things until they produce “Crazy Mom” and “Crazy Dad.” A home in which the child is in control and out of control, where the child is making poor decisions all day long–“Should I do it?” “Can I do it?” “Can I get away with it?” “Did she really mean it?” And perhaps worst of all, it creates children who learn simply not to think, they learn just to do whatever they would like to do at the moment, because simply why not? These children are well on their way to having emotional problems, attention problems, behavior problems, compliance problems, school problems, confidence problems, etc. and joining the growing ranks of unhappy kids who become impossible teens and then unhappy, insecure adults, many of whom end up being thrown into a category, labeled, and medicated. All of this because “No” doesn’t mean “No.” It means later, not right now, I don’t like it, I’m tired, you have once again pushed my buttons and have my attention, etc.

If “No” means “No,” as in “that is not okay, now, later, tomorrow, next week, or next year,” and we succeed in communicating that, life becomes so very much easier for everyone. You can’t have a positive home when so much is negative. So often parents are afraid to punish children because they feel they are being mean and negative. Saying “No’ without meaning it all day and ultimately yelling at the children is extremely negative and I believe abusive.

Teaching your child that “No” means “No” is really easy. When your child does something that is wrong, harmful, or dangerous, simply say “No” with intention. Intention means that you say it, mean it, and say it in such a way that you really communicate, “Don’t ever do that again,” and provide feedback, a consequence–preferably an immediate consequence–a time out, or whatever. Generally the consequence itself is not of huge importance. It should be immediate and significant, such as time out, but the really important piece is the consistency with which you use the consequence.

It is so sad that so many parents have bought into “No” as being a four-letter word. It’s not. It’s a two-letter word and a word that may help stop your two year old from bolting out into traffic, your five year old from throwing your two year old out a window, your twelve year old from drinking the booze in your liquor cabinet, your fourteen year old from trying drugs, your sixteen year old from getting pregnant, and your eighteen year old from getting into a wreck going 100mph. “No” saves lives.

Teaching Your Child To Think – From the Brilliant Baby Series

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What is preventing you or your children from achieving your potential? Often at the top of the list is simply the ability to take in information (short-term memory), manipulate information (working memory), and to think (executive function). Many teachers are just talking to themselves because their students can’t process what is being said. In this video I also mention that The NACD Foundation’s Simply Smarter Project is working to help people understand how well they “think” and is teaching them how to do it better. You and your children can go online and take a quick test and find out how you are doing. Don’t be scared; you can learn to do it better.