Emus in the Snow – On Becoming Highly Capable

laird_emuYep, it’s true. Those are emus; they are in the Utah mountain snow, not in the Australian outback; and that little guy is my son, Laird, who was about five at the time. He was shoveling paths to the bird pens so we could get them food and water and hopefully gather their eggs before they froze. We really liked collecting those big green eggs, which we incubated and hopefully hatched into chicks. Back then those chicks were worth about $5,000 each. (I bet you thought I was crazy. As they say, “like a fox.”) In one of the chapters in my life I was a child developmentalist/rancher and raised emus and other exotic critters in the mountains of Utah. It was great fun, a family learning experience, adventure, a particularly great opportunity for my younger son Laird and fortunately generally financially rewarding, helping to support my work with kids. Laird learned about chores early and loved not only being a “helper,” but learning to assume responsibility and not to fear big tasks–Herculean tasks.

laird_snowOne of my favorite memories involves the building of our home and developing our ranch. Shortly after we moved into our new home, two landscapers were coming up to put in a sprinkler system around the house. They would arrive early, like 6:30 a.m., to begin work. When they arrived Laird would be waiting for them with his little wheelbarrow and shovel, ready for work; and work he did. I have no doubt that those guys worked harder and faster than ever because they had this little kid pushing right beside them, never wanting a break. When the system was almost complete, the last guy on the job was putting the final pieces together in the in-ground control box. Three-year-old Laird couldn’t help with that task, so he on his own accord went and found his little folding chair, one of his reading books (“Bibs”), set the chair up next to where the guy was working, sat there, and read the entire book to him. If he couldn’t help, he could entertain.

(Isn’t amazing that our educational system can take little children who love working and love learning and in twelve years teach them that “work” is a four letter work and to hate learning anything? I think the system is broken–how about you?)

scottish_cattleLaird happily requested more and more jobs on the ranch. The young emus needed to be exercised to strengthen their legs, so Laird would run up and down the chick pens with these three-four foot tall chicks/creatures often towering over him. (If you haven’t seen an emu up close, they have big, clawed feet and look more like velociraptors than birds.) When he was a bit older he would be out before daylight in below zero weather, dragging forty-pound bails of hay out to our Scottish Highland cattle. He did these chores willingly, always looked for more, and was justifiably proud of himself and his achievements. Teaching our children to take care of themselves is huge. Raising children to be adults requires more than teaching them the “three Rs;” we need to teach them to be “highly capable.” I know of families whose children don’t know how to do their laundry, buy or prepare food, or clean their living space; who don’t understand the value of money nor how to be responsible; and yet they are sending them off to expensive colleges. Their odds of success are not great.

I will be writing an article for our NACD Journal and newsletter shortly talking about the concept and perception that we need to help our children become “highly capable.” This is a very important concept for all of our kids, not just our “typical” kids.

(Laird is now 24, working on completing his degrees, and functions as the Chief Operating Officer of NACD. Laird spent last summer in Paris, studying international marketing on a full scholarship.)

One last thought: When it comes to doing things in and around your house, if your kids could do it, then perhaps they should do it.

Related Links

NACD Family Chore List

Waiting for Hercules

Light at the End of a Marathon

Congratulations and thank you, Louise! Louise ran the entire marathon, not walked and ran, but ran the entire marathon and also raised $1,400 for our scholarship fund. But the biggest event was Louise epiphany. I would like to share with you her own words describing her wonderful experience:

“A personal note about the race that I’d like to share with you. Before the race, I hugged my daughter Charlotte for making me so strong and allowing me to achieve such a grueling athletic performance. On race day, I received a very big gift. One I could call: ” And with the running, came the healing” …in a very unexpected yet beautiful way. As I walked to the starting line, my shirt proudly said “Mom of 4. My special-need kid rocks.” I realized how much I, as a mourning parent -you know, we all have to move on past the loss of a “perfect” child – needed this final step in my healing. Yes, we helped Charlotte overcome many of her challenges. Yes, she surpassed all of our expectations. But there was one thing I forbade myself to do for a long time. Maybe out of shame, maybe out of guilt, or to protect her, or for reasons still unclear to me: I did not want the world to know that she had a genetic disorder. I did not even discuss it with many of our family members. I kept it in the hiding from a lot of people I knew. Yet, there I was, walking around 25,000 random strangers letting the world know that my child was different. And that was OK. That was more than OK…that was my very personal running leitmotif. Many people out there were running for cures, lost ones, personal records…and I was running with a bold statement about my own daughter on my shirt, finally letting go of the shame, getting an immense pride out of it. And guess what, that statement healed my soul and also made sure I would run all the way. And for once in my life, that “special-need” label did not drag me down or expect more of me…it made me take off, it took me one step above them all. And with the running came the healing. Final step of a long mourning process, first step of a great marathon race.

Thank you, NACD, and thank you, Charlotte.”
Louise

And thank you, Charlotte and Louise. Our NACD moms and kids are the best!

Related Links

Read Louise’s very personal account of her marathon experience here

Read about her fundraiser here: Part 1 Part 2

Here Comes Super Bowl XLVII – CTE Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy

Here Comes Super Bowl XLVII- CTE Chronic Traumatic EncephalopathyNext Sunday a huge percentage of our population will be watching the Super Bowl. I won’t be one of them. I will actually be seeing kids in Cincinnati, or I would probably be one of the millions watching the game. I honestly try to watch the Super Bowl more as a piece of cultural literacy than out of a great passion for watching the sport. My passion for organized football ended in junior high school in my very first and last “organized” football game. My coach directed me to go in and “take out” a player on the other team. I proceeded to walk off the field, never to return.

This morning, Sunday January 25, on ABC News- This Week, I heard George Will make some meaningful statements about football, statements that mirrored my own thoughts. George Will said, ”The most important letters in football are not NFL, but CTE, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, the cumulative impact of brain damage of small unrecognized, unrecorded impacts in a game that is inherently dangerous.”

My boys wanted to play football, but I would not permit it. Spending your life trying to fix brains tends to give you tremendous respect for an intact healthy brain. If we are fortunate enough to have healthy children, we really need to do everything we can do as responsible parents to protect and nourish that brain. We parents are responsible. These decisions as to whether our children engage in inherently dangerous activities are not their decisions to make; they are ours. In like manner it’s not our children’s decisions as to whether they eat healthy food or do the things that are required to learn responsibility or to develop their brains or become educated. As adults they can make all the decisions they want; but responsible parents do not abdicate important life altering decisions to children who are ill equipped to be making such life altering choices. As parents you can decide whether or not football is safe and establish your own opinions on nutrition, education, and everything else concerning your children; but you need to be the one making the decisions, not your children. In the end you are responsible for the consequences; they just have to live with them.

Raising Expectations

Today I was doing evaluations over Skype with one of my second-generation NACD families in Alaska. The mom of the three kids I was evaluating today is a physician, and back in the 80s was one of a group of little kids I used to see up in Anchorage. Talking to Chrystal, who is like family as many of our long term folks are, reminded me of one of the other little girls I saw back then. Carrie gave me one of my favorite NACD kid memories. Carrie’s mom had picked me up at the airport and was taking me to my hotel, and little 5-year-old Carrie was in the back seat. Carrie’s mom asked her to tell me what her two new words for the week were. Carrie responded with her very cute, but sophisticated, five-year-old voice that I can still hear. She said, “Bob, my two new words for the week are ‘obstreperous’ and ‘ebullient’.” I was obviously quite pleased and said, “Carrie, I love your new words; so tell me, are you obstreperous or ebullient?” She responded with, “Well, Bob, sometimes I’m obstreperous and sometimes I’m ebullient, but right now I’m rather tranquil.”

Don’t underestimate your children. They are capable of producing great things if you keep raising your expectations and providing them with a chance.

It’s a Marathon – Part 2!

Yesterday I posted information about a fundraiser by one of our NACD moms. As Part 2 of the report of Louise’s marathon training and fundraising efforts, please see her most recent note below:

Dear friends and family,

I trained for 5 months. I ran in the Florida heat, through hurricane storms, on very dry days and soaked ones.

I woke up at the crack of dawn, or stayed up on a treadmill late at night.

I ran with hurt knees, injured toes, split shins, painful hips and even a broken shoulder once.

I ran easy and I ran hard. On beautiful days and some very dark.

I challenged myself to go just a little further each time. I kept telling myself I could do it, ignoring my body’s plea to quit.

And because I did all this, next week I will run a marathon, from mile one to twenty-six.

I swear I won’t fail; that part is easy. Because all I’ll have to do is remember: I am running for my daughter, to make sure other kids get to be just like her.

Thanks for your support; every dime and every step counts!
Louise